What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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