i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
