Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
