party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
