I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
