apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
last night I used snow as a chaser
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
