Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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