Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
