At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
