forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You have to summon your inner elephant
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
