I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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