remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
