Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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