i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
