i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
