My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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