Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
