I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
