Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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