And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
