It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize