Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
