I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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