I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize