i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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