Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
