Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
