So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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