You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
