I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
