i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
