it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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