I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
