shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
