This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
