friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
