Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
