Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
