He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
