Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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