it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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