I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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