I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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