I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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