I wish I only lived at night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
