what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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