so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
