your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize