Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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