I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
