I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
