Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
