In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
