and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
