butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The air was thick with penises
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
