apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
