we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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