On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
