Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
