I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
