i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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