I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
