Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize