im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
