oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
