Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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