took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
