My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
