Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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