So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
