We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
