after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
