I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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