so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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