so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
