She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
