Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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