ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
