i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need help removing her.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
