Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
