You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everyone says I win the strip club
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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