I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
