well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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