heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't put those talents on a resume
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
