she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize