I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
