She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
