remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
