im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
