I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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