i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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