you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
