she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
