thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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