Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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