woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
this will be a night to untag.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
