omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
