if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
