Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
