I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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