There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
