All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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