I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
