i would punch a child for taco bell
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize