You really coming over, don't trick.
That's intense
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We had sex on a dog bed..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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