I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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