If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
