Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
