Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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