I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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