And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
